Paris frogs and prince charming

They say that you’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs before finally finding your prince charming. Well, I don’t know if the person who uttered this wise thought was referring to the French (=frogs) or not. But certainly kissing lots of frogs in search of the one big love is much more enjoyable in France. To begin with, most of them are quite charming, at least when they are feeling sexy. Being charming or being brilliant indeed is a characteristic that seems necessary for survival in France. Whereas in the US and Australia being nice seems to smooth a lot of social interaction (and get you lots of goodies), here charm and wit seem to be more important. Being charming includes a lot of things like appearance (you look at someone and you can say Mmmm he looks just charming), behavior and body language (such as smile and how you move) or verbal behaviour (how you speak). Last but by no means not least, the content of what you say is important too. Related to this last, you just have to be smart, or have the conviction that you ARE smart (no matter what the reality is).

My French friends all consider themselves a bit of smart (if not charming) politicians and seriously take themselves as somewhat experts (or at least no less expert than others) on the subject. This makes for interesting if somewhat a bit tense for my taste dinner parties. In Australia and in the US, at dinner parties we attempt to get to know other guests. In Parisian soirée, people indeed would introduce themselves to everyone present (and kisses are exchanged between men and women…and handshakes between men), but after that it’s all fair game to impose your convictions on diverse subjects and to quash the opinion you don't agree with. I try to figure this out, in my American and Australian dinners, we get interested in new people and attempt to get to know them and expect the same interest in return. There is a law of reciprocity there and the norm guiding our behaviour is to maintain involvement of everyone (I bet you have tried, in one of your dinner parties, to change the subject of conversation so that everyone will be included). The norm that guides dinner parties here seems more self-affirmation against a public that one supposes by default is ready to say that you are not who you think you are, mate. In both cases I guess we strive for confirmation of who we are, by nicely affirming the self image conveyed by others (that I am a nice guy, and you show me that you find me nice) or by imposing on others to acknowledge who we are even if begrudgingly.

I have to admit though, that on average I think the French are more informed about the political situation, domestic or international, compared to the more insular American friends that I have. Still, I do miss dinners where we just get along and forget “performance” for a while…I remember a dinner party in Melbourne where practically everyone there had a doctoral degree or equivalent and all night long we talked about sex from A to Z…At 3 am, someone piped out saying : Gee, I wonder what the uneducated people talk about at dinner parties?

So, to get your prince charming, getting on your knees when he enters the room and speak only when spoken to is not going to do it...you have to bedazzle him with your charm and wit and knowledge. If that sounds like a tall order, don"t despair, if you stay with the frogs long enough, you will find them charming in the end too. Familiarity breeds liking remember ?

Hints: Tha major newspapers in Paris (France) are Le Monde (center), La Liberation (left) and le Figaro (rightist). English newspapers such as the International Herald Tribue are often available in newsagents (kiosks presse). When invited, best not to come early or on time, there is the quarter of an hour rule of lateness that hosts or hostesses could use to tackle last minute rushes. A bottle of wine is always welcome when invited for dinner.